How Monday was Made
Guy Biederman
It’s been a rough day. Ice Age in the morning, Vesuvius after lunch, and the loss of God’s favorite trattoria in Pompeii….
God rolls a joint, invents the match, and fires up around 5:00, though a fanatical cadre of historians would later insist it was 4:20, and took place in San Rafael California and not Eden, Garden of. Whatever, it’s hard to leave work at the office. Obsessing about that pill Ghengis Khan and what went wrong, God creates the Cosmo, and the cocktail glass for good measure.
After the second drink, God sees that it’s all good. Very good. Very all good.
The world’s a beautiful place. Even the cocktail glass is amazing. God’s an overachiever, picked by no one to go this far, until others were created and jumped on the bandwagon and started singing his praises. Figures.
God gets the munchies. Invents M&M’s, Newman’s popcorn, and Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. Having missed out on The Dead due to distractions like Bangladesh, the Beatles, and Marlin Perkins on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, God re-discovers Jerry Garcia. Becomes a deadhead for a day. Supposedly stays away from the Owsley acid, though skeptics in Quebec point to the ’89 solar storm that sent compasses spinning as evidence God may have dropped a tab or two at the Montreal show.
The yellow moon rises in the purple sky and God, longing for a best friend, creates the basset whose goofy looks bring on a grin.
“I’ll call you Absurd,” says God.
“I’ll call you a turd,” replies the basset.
Awkward. They laugh and discover they are the mirror image of one another. God is dog spelled backwards, and dog is god. And God is good when you add an o.
“Oh,” says Absurd. “ Good God, we’re good…dog.”
God dozes in the Adirondack. His snores flow into thunder. A screeching owl sails low in the velvety sky and the Bassett knows his new best friend is dreaming. Lifting his mighty snout, the hound cuts loose a mournful howl that echoes off canyon walls and returns as a breeze — a wind — a tropical storm.
God awakes grumpy, rarely a good thing, and just like that, Monday is made.
Guy Biederman’s work has appeared in three dozen journals including Carve, daCunha, and Exposition Review. His collection, Soundings and Fathoms, will be published in September from Finishing Line Press. He floats on a houseboat with his wife and salty cats, writes on ATM receipts with low balances at high tide.
Image of ‘Europe a Prophecy’ (1794, Copy D, Object 1; Bentley 1, Erdman I, Keynes I; Europe a Prophecy — British Museum) by William Blake, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.
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